This is The Happy Wall™ — it's my answer to all your childcare issues.
To create a Happy Wall™ all you need to do is affix velcro (the hook side) to a room in your house (maybe the lounge, or dungeon/basement) and dress your child in a velcro (the loop side) onesie or babygrow.
When you need to leave the room (for a trip to the loo, to answer the door, to boil the kettle, or simply because you need a break from your
brat delightful child) simply pick up little Bruce or Penelope (other names are available) and place them safely on the wall.
Your child will be securely and painlessly suspended away from any household hazards (bleach, the cat or gran) on your
dungeon lounge wall. With the whole onesie being attached, your child's weight is spread over a larger surface area and they will remain on the wall in relative comfort. So you can head off to the pub toilet relatively guilt-free!
Please send any donations or order deposits via PayPal.
The Happy Wall™ (Patents Pending)